A year can change everything

A year ago my life was completely different than it is now and I cannot put into words how grateful I am. Even though the Corona Pandemic isn’t over and the crisis in Germany is worse than it was a year ago, things took a very fortunate turn for me personally.

A year ago I’ve lost my pregnancy at almost 12 weeks. This was the worst moment in my life. First of all I felt like a huge failure, like I have caused the miscarriage. I couldn’t help but think about all the small things I supposedly did wrong. For example I continued to drink coffee, I have taken hot showers, I had an appointment at the hairdresser. I had a lot of stress at work and I felt as everything was my fault.

Secondly I felt a sadness as never before in my life. It took me weeks to not burst into tears out of nowhere. Even thinking about it now, I get teared up. I couldn’t help but always think about that little embryo that didn’t survive. I felt so sad for the fact that it never saw the light of the day, never lived on this world and that I never got to meet this little person.

Losing a child – even if it was a miscarriage – is the hardest thing I had to overcome. The moment you hold a positive pregnancy test in your hands, you become a mom. The feelings are real, no matter how small the cells.

Now while I write this, I am 9 months pregnant and cannot wait to meet our little girl in a couple of weeks. A year ago I was at my lowest and I wouldn’t have dared to dream to become pregnant again so shortly after the miscarriage. My pregnancy was wonderful – even though the last weeks are of course getting harder by the day. A year between these moments makes all the difference in the world.

When it comes to huge improvements within a year, my career definitely took a very positive turn in 2021. A year ago – actually a week before Christmas – I was fired. The job I had started in September, because I had lost my previous job due to Corona, wasn’t fulfilling at all. It was probably one of the worst workplaces I have ever worked for. However, it was definitely not what I needed on top of everything that has happened in 2020.

So 2021 started with quite some issues and I cannot say how grateful I am for how things turned around within this year. I started a new job in spring and I’m happy to be able to return to my work after parental leave. I am not only grateful to be able to return to a stable employer but I’m also happy to return to a healthy workplace. In my previous working places I had struggles with mobbing, bossing and toxic work environments so I definitely know how to appreciate what I have now.

A year ago things were completely different and now that we are again in this pre-Christmas time, I want to take a minute and appreciate everything that led me to the current situation. Even the bad things that happened ultimately got me where I am today. I can even start to see where I really did mistakes and take responsibility to them. How about you? How are things for you compared to last year? What are you grateful for and what are the things you learned from?

I wish you a happy first Advent!


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